I’ve been a little agitated lately; there’s so much I want to do each day, and too few hours available. Always, I run out of energy before I get to that one thing that I wanted most to accomplish. I’m still adjusting to the idea that my physical energy is not yet restored to what it was prior to cancer. I have to remind myself that I’m not yet a year beyond it all. In so many ways, it already feels like a distant memory. I can hardly imagine it happened at all, but my body reminds me that regaining strength and endurance is an ongoing journey.
Many of you, I’m sure, can relate to the challenge of rearranging life to suit a new reality. It’s not easy. We must override habits and routines, establishing new ones better suited to present circumstances.
My mother was a very disciplined, hard-working person. Her days had rhythm and purpose. She instilled these values in her children. Weekdays, while my dad worked to bring home income, mom kept busy doing household chores, gardening, and bookkeeping for dad’s business. She used to say that if dad was at work, she’d also be working. That seemed equitable to her. In the evenings she’d knit sweaters or sew clothing for us. She never sat idle.
When we were on summer vacation, she had a rule: chores were to be accomplished before noon, and then in the afternoons there was time for friends and play. My perfect afternoon consisted of riding my bike to the local pool and swimming until closing time with my best friend. Our skin was tan and our hair bleached silver blond from the chlorine!
On special days, mom took us to a park. My favorite was the nearby provincial park. In those days it was still an active farm. In season, we would go there and pick plums. Warm, syrupy and sweet, it was impossible to stop eating them. There was a play barn too; we would climb up into the hay loft, run across swinging hanging bridges and then leap carefree onto huge mats filled with straw.
Often mom packed a picnic lunch. After eating at a table beneath a shady tree, we’d swim for a bit before heading home.
So, this is ingrained in me: chores first! It is not a bad thing, but I am now challenged to rethink, redefine, what I consider priorities. I have a strong tendency to run around doing busy work before allowing myself time to delve into creative projects. Tasks are quantifiable; I feel satisfied when I can check things off a list. However, we all know that the list constantly regenerates. I become so frustrated with the cycle but am slowly accepting that growing creatively is not a reward for doing a lot of stuff; it is essential to being fully alive. It’s ok to put it at the top of the list rather than tack it on as a bonus.
It was with the problem of balancing creativity and duties on my mind that I entered morning meditation. Soon I was drawn into deep stillness and reflection. I prayed for insight into managing my energy in such a way that I would have enough in reserve to fuel my writing ambition.
Sometimes when I quiet myself, my spirit opens and my whole being leans in, listening more attentively to the wisdom of the daily devotion.
In this Lenten season, I am following a daily devotional practice on the Hallow app called “He Leadeth Me.” It’s a poignant journey of surrender focusing on the life and writing of Walter Ciszek. The weekly themes have spoken into my heart. Each Saturday the week concludes with a beautiful time of listening and prayer.
I was enthralled Monday morning as the story of Fr. Ciszek continued to unfold. It’s easy to give up, abandon dreams and plans when life throws up seemingly insurmountable obstacles, but this morning I felt strength and determination grow as I listened to all this man of God endured to live his mission.
As the narrator brought the session to its conclusion, I received a word to carry with me into the week. “Join us tomorrow,” he said, “As we continue with this week’s theme: Perseverance.”
Whatever you encounter in the coming days, I pray you will be inspired to persevere.
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
