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Revise?

How’re you doing with your plans and goals for the new year?  Are you still excited? Or does it feel like it’s already time to revise, or even give up on, the vision for 2024?

This year, I gave myself time to dream freely about the new year.

Over the years I’ve envisioned things I’d like to do, but for 2024 I’m allowing them to flow onto the page and then penning goals and plans in detail. I love my new planner! I can see the whole month laid out before me, make note of appointments and obligations and set specific goals.  There are pages in between the months where I can brainstorm ideas.   

It’s also a little intimidating! My dreams are in black and white; if I fail, they will glare up at me from the page

The nagging negative voice in the back of my mind works hard to undermine my excitement and confidence. The enemy whispers doubt into the plans that will bring my dreams to life.  It’s a big deal to send my writing out into the world, to risk the rejection of submitting my work to publishers. I’ll be vulnerable.

My thoughts turn to Moses when the Lord spoke to him for the burning bush.  There was no doubt that God wanted him to go speak to Pharaoh, to secure freedom for the Israelites. Moses was anxious though, just as I am, and starts making excuses as to why he shouldn’t take on this monumental task.

But Moses said to the LORD, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” (Exodus 4:10)

The Lord responds to Moses’ fears with words of reassurance.  He reminds him of his power and promises to provide all that he needs to accomplish the mission.

Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.”   (Exodus 4:12)

Still Moses hesitates:

But he said, “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else.” (Exodus 4:13)

I hesitate too.  A day lies open before me, and I hesitate (procrastinate).  I accomplish a lot, filling the day with tasks and avoiding the one thing I set out to accomplish.  Finally, I quiet myself and reflect on this struggle. I consider the obstacle blocking my path. It’s that insidious, nasty little voice again distracting me, shaming me, reminding me of all the times I’ve stumbled along the way.

 I focus on silencing the negativity with the voice of truth.  I tune my ear to the voice that faithfully guides me when I’m journeying through unknown terrain. It’s the voice that tells me to trust, believe in the dreams in my heart, find joy in this creative passion, and allow the plan to evolve. It reminds me of who, and whose, I am:

I am the beloved child of God!

chosen and blessed.

Born with the indelible imprint of the maker in my soul.  

A creative sparkle delightedly made in His image.  

He wants me to walk joyfully through this world, sharing His love.

I will not be afraid.

      He is with me,

providing strength and grace as I go.

I trust, I believe. Amen.

Maybe hesitation or feeling overwhelmed is an invitation, an opportunity to extend ourselves some grace. Was the goal set a little too rigidly?  Take a moment this week to breathe.  Sit with your dreams, allow yourself quiet moments of honesty and, if necessary, revision of the plan.  Listen to the voice of truth.  Believe!

 

Behold! I’m doing a new thing!

 

There is a light blanket of fresh snow blanketing the lawn this first morning of 2024. I greet this day, this new year, with hope and enthusiasm.

As so many of us do at the dawn of a new year, I’ve been reflecting on the journey of the last few  years.  And like many I confess to thinking: “Surely this year will be easier than the last.”

 In spring of 2022, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and began  the  challenging path of treatment.  December 28, 2022, with great relief I rang the bell, signifying the end of chemotherapy.  I was excited for 2023 even as I knew it would hold more challenges, starting with a bilateral mastectomy in January.

 I had no idea what lay ahead…

My sweet mother passed away on her 90th birthday just days after that surgery. I experienced an intense mix of emotion in the days that followed.  There was deep sadness that I would never look into her blue eyes again, hold her frail hand or hear her voice. I also felt gratitude; mom had endured  Alzheimer’s disease for 15 years, her suffering was finally over.  I know with certainty she is a peace now, fully restored in the the Kingdom of Heaven.

The love and support of dear friends carried me as my body recovered and my spirit mourned.

As spring approached my vision suddenly deteriorated significantly.  All the steroids administered as part of cancer treatment had caused the rapid onset of cataracts. Over the course of a few weeks I had surgery on both eyes.  Cataract surgery feels miraculous! Within weeks my vision was crisp and clear; I no longer needed glasses, just readers.  Amazing. 

As spring continued to unfold, my dear uncles,  identical twins, passed away within two weeks of one another. Again bittersweet emotions as they too had been ravaged by Alzheimer’s.  

Towards the end of May I underwent a final reconstructive surgery.  I was excited to have completed all the treatments and surgeries and resume “normal” life. I have to admit that I overestimated my available energy and enthusiastically, perhaps unwisely, went back to full time work soon after and threw myself into all my favorite activities.   I became increasingly tired.

My heart broke in September when my beloved godmother passed away.  And then it all caught up to me. I was exhausted, cried everyday and had a hard time functioning. I was forced to step back, cut down on work and get some rest.   

I did recover my energy and bubbly spirit over the remaining months of the year, and in the process learned valuable lessons. I nurtured my spirit with meditation,  prayer and therapy while my body recovered and strengthened.  I participated in an intense 8 week program called the Grief Recovery Method.  This was a program unlike any I’d ever encountered. I learned valuable tools, and emerged feeling  both lighter and prepared to embrace whatever might lie ahead.

 

I am delighted to say that 2023 concluded joyfully.  Heartache and fatigue gave way to precious moments with family, wonderful celebrations, laughter with friends and colleagues, cosy quiet evenings at home.

This especially challenging year wrapped up gently with hope shining on the horizon.

 

The prophet Isaiah offers the perfect pivotal scripture for contemplation this day:

 

Remember not the former thingsnor consider the things of old.Behold, I am doing a new thing;now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?I will make a way in the wildernessand rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV)

 

And so, as I turn my gaze from the years gone by, and focus on the future, one phrase in particular commands my attention:

Behold, I am doing a new thing;          

now it springs forth.

 

I can feel it, this new thing! Excited energy is bubbling inside of me. A future vision is coming into focus. Goals that were nebulous and difficult to define are crystalizing.  Plans that seemed impossible to set into motion are now taking shape. A fresh new planner is ready for me to record it all. Today I will commit my dreams, goals and plans to paper.  I’ll even create a timeline for it all. 

 

What about you, my friend?  Can you feel this new thing, the possibilities and freshness of the new year?

I pray that you too will feel compelled to turn your gaze from all that is past and focus on the promise of the future.

May you be richly blessed in 2024.

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Written by Sandra Yerian

Sandra’s Blog
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